The Master Juggler

So it seems like we are finally getting into a inconsistent groove. From the "who is dropping off" to the "who is picking up," we haven't forgotten her yet. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before the both of us are watching TV and throwing back a couple glasses of wine when we realize that we've left her over at the nanny's house....who are we kidding, we would have gotten a call well before we socked down the second glass of wine.

Since we love to dress our little monkey into hilarious outfits (ie the Easter bunny dress), Halloween is just around the corner and you know we wouldn't pass up the chance to dress her in a future most embarrassing photo opp...of course, this time it's at least socially acceptable being Halloween and all. She's going to be a little bumble bee. I think I'll get a lady bug outfit and I'll try to get Jon to dress up as a giant green frog...why? because it'll be damn funny. Plus last year he made me dress up as Wonder Women when I was 5 1/2 months pregnant.

We did take her by the pumpkin patch in Half Moon Bay. Although we sandwiched it between two parties, we did get some great pictures. Grammy got her an outfit that said "Cutest Pumpkin in the Patch" and I couldn't agree with it more. She is getting cuter as the days go by. She seems as happy as can be. Today is her 7 month birthday and has 8 full teeth (needless to say I've stopped nursing...a story to be told later). It's hard to believe that just 7 months ago I was wondering what kind of mom I'll be and now I'm just wondering if she'll ever know how much I do love her.

OH MY EYE!

After paroozing the blog to see how many inappropriate (not to mention worthy of child services coming to get me) entries I've posted...when low and behold, I've forgotten to tell one of my favorite stories to date.

This is a story of a mother's quick reaction to avoid a possible awkward doctors visit. As you all know, Addison has been teething since 3 months old (oh how fun for Daddy and Mommy). A couple of weeks ago she was ubber cranky so I busted out the Tylenol. I wish I could say that Mommy uses it very rarely but it's that or drinking a few glasses of chardonnay to calm the babe's nerves. I have not resorted to the brandy on the gums yet but I'm not above it or judging anyone who has done it...desperate times calls for desperate measures. OK...back to the hysterical crying story. Addison has reached bullhorn level when I reached for the Tylenol drops. As I was closing in on her mouth with the little dropper full of the secret silencer, she batted my arm away. It was as if the small little bit of Tylenol was falling in slow motion and it landed in the worst place possible....HER EYE!

The screaming went to a whole new level and the only thing I could think of at that split moment was to lick the drop of Tylenol out of her eye. Yes, I dove down with my tongue to lick my baby to safety. Once she settled down (only a few seconds later because I think I caught her off guard as much as I caught myself off guard) I darted for the bathroom and grabbed a wash cloth (which would have been the better option in the first place).

No harm, no foul. She was out like a light in a matter of a few minutes with nothing to prove of my mother lion, little cub mishap.

It did leave me laughing hysterically for days after. She is one tough cookie.

Here are some photos of tummy time and our monthly mother's club meeting. She's 4 1/2 months old . CRAZY!

Teeth

And on the 7th day, God made teeth...ok, maybe it was the third month but regardless...it was another horrible thing to do to a new mom. Seriously, what the hell is the deal with all the fun surprises that dawn on us. First, the whole breast feeding learning curve (that sucked...literally and figuratively) then it's breast feeding with TEETH!!

She got her first chompers at 3 months which, go figure, is early. While she is discovering these newly uprooted sharp tools, she decides to clamp down on anything she can get her paws on. As you can imagine, when you stick your head in a lion's mouth, you are playing with danger. So as I bring her mouth up to the tap (picture in slow motion with a scared cringe on my face), I know I'm playing with fire. When I asked the doctor what to do when she uses my teets as a new puppy's chew toy, all she can say is "Just don't react. Addison will begin to think it's a game." And to be honest, my first reaction is to flick her on the ear or spray her with a water bottle (similar to how you train dogs). While I understand that this reaction isn't very "maternal," you can't help human nature.

Since she is now just over 4 months, she is biting a lot less but with more force. Needless to say, Daddy does more and more bottle feeding now a days (not by boob, of course, by a bottle...thought I would clear up any questions for you wise-asses out there).

It's Time to Fly

I traveled to Des Moines, Iowa for a family reunion. It was just Addison and I so you can see where this story is going. Alone, flying, blowout poops, barfing, and the highest pitched screams knows to humankind. All of this, and it wasn't half bad. I'll point out the highlights....

On the way there, I sat next to the nicest (and largest) man. He was 6'8" and well over 300 lbs. He was a very fit guy that used to play professional basketball for the French league. After he showed me his photos of his 1 and a half year old, I felt comfortable that he would pummel me when Addison when haywire. Since we left at the crack of dawn, she did sleep for most of the way until, that is, the damn flight attendant came on the loud speaker and about scared the life out of the poor girl (there enters the "haywire"). I thought it'd be a good time to take her to the bathroom after all, we only had 30 minutes before we got there, what could go wrong.

After returning from the bathroom, I was trying to gather up the bombshell that Addison and I created. To become more efficient, I decided to be "that mom" and ask the giant man to hold my little baby. He seemed excited and Addison was back to her cute self cooing and smiling...that is...right before she barfed on the guy. Yes, down his black button down (I'm sure expensive) shirt. I thought, what the hell, he's already barfed on so I decided to give a cute little smile, dab him off, apologize and continue on with getting my things gathered up.

The only other giant problem of the weekend is when we were stuck in traffic (yes, traffic in Des Moines....can you believe it?!?). It was about the only stretch of 2 miles in the entire midwest that had traffic and we were stuck in it. Since Addison hadn't pooped in awhile I could only guess that I would be that lucky for her to choose this moment. What a gal...and poop she did. After the oh too familiar reddened face and the "cute" grunt, it was all over....the car. When we finally arrived, I assessed the damage and it was much worse than I estimated. It was not only all over her, her clothes and down to her socks, it has made it's way into the car seat...ooozing through the holes of the car seat straps and down into the base. Even for someone with a strong stomach, this was horrifying. I ended up carrying her by her armpits held out in front of me straight to the bathroom. After hosing her down, I put the car seat outside and decided to literally hose that down too. WHEW! It still makes me woozy thinking about it but don't worry...i didn't snap any pictures of it.

We fly again this week for a full week in Snowbird, UT. I'm sure more stories to come.

Lake of the Ozarks

Over Memorial Day weekend, the Lynn-Moeller family set out on our first flight. We were headed to Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri. We were so nervous that she was going to be a pill but it was magical. She slept the whole way. Her mom has a bit of narkilepsy so I was thrilled that she took that attribute from me. I'm sure by the time she's 2, we couldn't fly without a shot of traquilizer but we'll take the pleasant flight for now.

While we were at my parent's lake house, we decked her out with a cute little swimsuit. Holy cow, I had no idea she could get cuter. She took her first boat right (which was a little suspect but she survived). She got to meet 2 of her nephews and they were adorable with her. Alex is 10 and Jacob is 5. And we figured out that she LOVES power tools thanks to her Grampy.

Sleep Walking

So I think both Jon and I are stressing about me going back to work but Jon tends to tell me about it in his sleep. On Saturday night we had a date night complete with dinner and dancing (what are we 70 years old?!?). Don't judge, it was with my mother's club and it was AWESOME.

Anyways, we may have had a few cocktails too many because that's when Jon does all kinds of great things in his sleep. He has tried to change Addison's diaper (PS. in this story Addison was his pillow). It was so hilarious waking up to him sitting up in bed trying to swaddle his pillow. I asked him what he was doing and he said that Addison had a dirty diaper. HA!!

The most recent incident, that night he was trying to turn off Addison's bouncy chair. I woke up to him digging under the covers. He has his whole body down by my feet with his butt up in the air (think child's pose) fumbling around to find the off switch to her bouncy chair. He said "Tara, I'm trying to turn it off so she can go to sleep." Calmly, I said "You are still sleeping, right?" He said "yes" Then I calmly said, "You don't really have Addison under the covers, right?" He said no and said he had to go to the bathroom. Instead of going in the bathroom only a step away from the bed, he decided to go to the 2nd bathroom when I heard a big CRASH! He decided that he wasn't going to open his eyes and accidentally went into the kitchen where we just installed a safety gate. Needless to say, it was an eventful evening.

All the while...Addison is passed out in her crib. Ah bliss.

Back to school...

Today marks my last day on maternity leave. She is officially 12 weeks old. I have all kind of mixed feelings. I'm happy to go back to a job I truly love but I'm leaving the love of my life. I don't think there is a day that goes by that I'm hoping that I'm making the right decision. I think the child care we chose is going to work out great and Specialized has done a great job working with my schedule so I have nothing to worry about, right?

Sorry to get a little somber here but this is going to teach me to embrace every moment with this person in my life. I look at her and wonder what lies ahead. What kind of person she's going to become and praying that I'll be the compass for her to guide her down the safest path. I am returning to work 3 short months later as a completely different person. My heart is bigger, my smiles more often, and my hugs more plentiful. She has made me a better person and I'm looking forward to coming home every night more to be the best mom I can possibly be. Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the hilarious stories that lay ahead...

How does she do it?

Deep thoughts by Tara Moeller

You know how during the day babies struggle to poop? Their faces turn bright red, their body tenses up, and their little fists clenched tight. It's a 10 minute sweat fest for the baby. And now I ponder, how is it that she has a more than full diaper when she wakes up? Isn't she in the most relaxed state? Does it just ooze out? Seriously...she can't be pushing that hard while she's sleeping, can she? I mean I wouldn't be able to poop in my sleep, would you?

Just a thought.

The Sleep Monitor

All moms go out and get the best baby monitor and set it up perfectly so they can keep close tabs on the baby. So, of course, we did the same. Actually we went to Babies R Us and registered for the most expensive (because it has to be the best, right). We didn't want the responsiblily of doing the researching all of the blah blah blahs...after all, expensive means better, right? Whatever.

Anyways, we got the nighttime vision, vibrating, walkie talkie type of monitor. Very high tech. When the baby cries, we can put it on vibrate so we don't actually have to hear her cry. It just vibrates once it gets to a loud enough level. Sweet! Now my boobs don't throb everytime the baby monitor screams at me. Though now I'm a bit nervous that I might train my body to lactate everytime something vibrates. Hmmm, where I could go with that last statement but this is a family show.

Let's talk the night vision...it's a bit alien like. When she looks at the screen, all you see is a scary white head and black beady eyes. Creepy. The eyes just stare at the screen and it almost feels like she's staring right through the monitor to you.

It is a bit funny when it's Jon's turn to put her binky back into her mouth. I can spy to see if he actually picks her up or just does his duty.

It truly is a cool gadget. I'm excited to see what we do with it after we stop using if for Addison...hmmm.

Easy Come. Easy Go.

I think it's HILARIOUS how this entry can follow the last entry. Not that he's a bad dad at all (in fact, quite the opposite)...just maybe a little forgetful.

We (Addison and I) had a bad day yesterday. She was super fussy and I was nearing mind loss. I tried everything, bouncing on the yoga ball, playing on the floor, holding her, rocking her, taking her for a car ride (man, I didn't realize our neighborhood was so small...after 15 rounds on the same street, I called that quits too), finally surrendering to a tall glass of wine and retail therapy.

I met some friends out in Burlingame and was SO happy when Jon said he'd put her to bed...bath and everything! I was SO excited and seriously moved to tears at this ever so kind gesture.

This morning, I woke up to a not so nice surprise. Addison's room seriously smells like a hazmat area. I feel like I can't see through the 8+ hour funk from sleeping through the night (believe me, I'd take the eye lash curling smell over a full nights sleep any day). But this morning was oddly different. Almost like popcorn mixed with kitty litter (the kind that has already been soiled) but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. As I got closer to the crib, the smell was getting thicker and I was loosing consciousness. After I sprayed myself with a little water and came to...that's when I noticed...Good Daddy forgot to put a diaper on her last night. So after 8 hours of her pooping and peeing, there the poor girl lay in her own soiled bed. She actually was smiling bigger than ever when I realized what had happened...I think she was saying "the jokes on you, mommy...now get me out of this stench."

Ah, Jon...this is the same guy that ran back into the house to get his wallet and after 10 minutes I came in to help him look only to find him watching TV. He FORGOT we were going anywhere and FORGOT I was waiting in the car. We love him though but I think I will do a diaper check next time.

Good Daddy

Men really do suck at this part for the first several weeks. I mean, they are REALLY bad! I had no idea that they would actually be this retarded when it came to keeping something alive. It's not their fault though. They really have no idea what to do and mother's become uuber control freaks. They just steer clear and hope to avoid saying anything that may be translated as rude, non-empathetic, or insulting (and believe me, it's a small window of topics that can be discussed). The dads really just see this new addition as a giant blog that only shits, barfs, and sucks on those mounds that used to belong to him. Yes, life changes drastically for him too.

Jon is getting better at becoming a daddy everyday. Since Addison is now smiling (whether it's to poop or that she actually recognizes us is still up for debate), Jon feels that she is interacting with him more. Men like to be entertained and before now, Addison wasn't doing it for him.

She just turned 2 months old and he's sliding into the daddy role and she is sliding into the daddy's little girl role. I talk about loving Addison more everyday but it's amazing how fun it is to see the man of your dreams become the man of her dreams too.

Mom's Groups

For those of you that have kids and don't have a mom's group...BIG MISTAKE! A few weeks ago, my sister came out and made me feel guilty for not joining a mom's group so the over-achiever that I am, I joined 2. One of the Mother's Club has a program that the members bring dinner to new mothers. I had a total stranger bring me over homemade chicken enchiladas! And last night someone else brought us dinner from Whole Foods. It was AWESOME! Neither person left out the most important thing...dessert! I couldn't believe it. This was the greatest thing ever!

The other mother's club is hilarious! We all just sit around in a circle (cum bah yah style) and ask questions that you only have the nerve to say in your head (or out load at the 3 am feeding when no one in the world is awake...not even the child suckling on the teet). We talk about what happens to the breast feeding when the kids starts to get teeth, how to interview a nanny (that's a story to be told at a later date...EKKK!), how soon we could start to have (dad, close your ears) sex, and other interesting topics. These are all discussed while women are whipping out their boobs to feed and rolling up their sleeves to change diapers. Good times. The only thing missing is the large glass of wine...though this type of group looks down on the drinking while nursing. Nothing can be perfect.

Then Mother's Day came around...what a perfect day that I overlooked so many times in the past (sorry mom). Jon woke up and cooked breakfast, cleaned the house, did the night time feeding with Addison. Man! I didn't see this one coming. The only bummed thing about this day is that I have to wait 363 days until it's here again. DAMN!

So this mother thing is not all cleaning diapers and not showering for days on end...it does have its perks. Ah crapper....she's up from her nap. Back to the grindstone.

Addison needs a style consultant

I am barely changing out of yoga pants (who are we kidding, they are sweats). I've totally gotten out of the game. I haven't gone shopping for clothes without elastic bands in months so who am I to help my daughter decide what to wear everyday. I'm trying to get in the habit of changing her out of her PJ's and into "day clothes" but I feel like I'm failing.

I didn't know it at first but I really had to look inward as people would stop me and say "my, that is a cute baby boy you have there." At first I thought they were all idiots. Can't they tell she's a girl? If not, how the hell have they come to the conclusion that she's a boy??? It was then, in Macy's, I looked down and noticed something hilarious. She was in a full boy's outfit. It was a cute little outfit with bears on the feet but it definatly looked like a boy's outfit. Damn! Busted!

She's still so cute. She now wears lady bug outfits just in case.

Full Body Diapers?

As a mom, you rarely go through an hour without saying the word
"poop" or variations of the word...poopie, stinky bomb, shit, nasty pie, poo poo...you get the point. So for those that have a weak stomach with that particular substance, you should probably tune out now.

Well, I'm getting more comfortable with the up the back poop blow out (not without a gag and watery eyes from time to time). When she gets excited, she pushes real hard and wiggles around until it distributes fully around the diaper. It's important to know how and when blowouts happen so you could possibly avoid them. She LOVES my new jogger stroller so we get a good poopie during a long run, she LOVES Phil (our good friend that lives down the street) and pooped all over him, and she LOVES when gets in a long car ride.

But besides the back blow out...something new happened the other day. The front blowout? What the heck is up with that? Instead of getting poop all the way up her back flirting with her hairline, she pooed (another great word) up her belly, between the boobies, and coming awful close to her chin. The interesting part is that she doesn't seem to mind one bit that she is covered in feces. In fact, she almost always is smiling as I'm finding enough baby wipes on this side of the Mississippi to clean up the sticky mess. Almost mocking me. Well, she is her mother's daughter, that's for sure. The fastest pooper in the West. My only solution is finding a full body diaper.

Yes, I did take a picture. HA! I wouldn't want to leave you out of the fun daily activities. One picture is the pre-jog. She LOVES the jogger stroller. The other picture is the after math...I'm the sucker.

Reach Around Perfected

Ok...get your mind out of the gutter and keep that seat belt on.

As I'm not getting out a bit more, I'm finding that Addison is a bit bipolar when it comes to car rides. She can either be out like a light or she can be wailing at the top of her lungs. Well, if it's the latter, it can be very stressful. So I have perfected the reach around. While I'm driving, I can reach back, find the binky and stick it in her mouth for a few moments of silence before she spits it out again. It took a few trys and I wasn't always on the varsity squad. I missed many times mostly hitting some chin rolls but admittedly we did hit an eye once or twice.

This skill is VERY important if you are driving on your own. I would first try it at 3 am on the free way (no one else is out there) then you can slowly graduate to the big leagues.

Anyway, here are a few pictures of her. She is 6 1/2 weeks now (47 days to be exact). She's smiling a lot more...either because of more gas or pooping more...but we like to think of it as she's finally starting to recognize her parents. We like that avenue of thought much better.

Girls Just Want to Have Fun!

SURPRISE!! My sister came out to visit me on a surprise visit...well, she came out to visit Addison but who's counting. It was SO much fun having her here and having someone to confide in with all the gorry details....nipples, the "healing" process, the barf and poo, and all of the other daily activities that you only share with yourself during the day. It was great to have her here because she enlightened me on a few items (ok, just made me feel downright guilty).

1. You have to give the baby a bath more than once a week. I didn't know. Who would have thought a little creature could get so smelly? The bad thing was that I was around her all the time so I couldn't smell her funk. Nasty.
2. You need to get out of the house. I also smelled funky and am getting increasingly crazy because I'm not dealing with the "outside". Point blank...I'm terrified to take her anywhere. It seems that she has a trigger, like Pavlov's Dog...the minute she hears the seat belt buckle, you hear a giant poo blow out. By the time I bring her back in and change her, it's time to eat again...a vicious cycle. ARG!
3. You can dress her in cute girls clothes and not leave her in co-ed lookig onesis all day. OK, seriously?! We don't leave the house so who gives a crap what she craps in all day at the house. But point taken. She has an arsenal of adorable pink and green outfits that the tags are still on.
4. I do need to get away from the baby at least once a day. I think she came to this conclusion by finding me hiding under the covers, rocking in the corner as the baby FINALLY took a nap. She may have a point here.
5. I need to join a mommy's club. None of my friends with children live in close proximity to me and if they did, I wouldn't have felt the guilt of points 1-4 above. Just so I wouldn't miss another "you know what I would do" from my sister or mom...I joined 2 of those damn mommy clubs (more about those later...they actually rock!)

It was great to see my sister and I cried all the way home when she left. She was great with Addison and she simply can't wait to see her again. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!! I love you!

PS...the video is a payback from making me feel like a bad mom (see points 1-5 above). Also, this is proof that she changed diapers. American Idol, here comes Trisha Barton!

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Road Trip

Let me back up. I just got so excited that she actually slept through the night that I actually forgot what scarred me in the first place.

We decided to see how she would do overnight in a hotel. We packed up the car which is another thing that will change a new mom's life. Do you know how much crap one little human needs? Good thing for my swanky SUV or we would have never fit all of it in. WIth the stroller (that we never used, the pack and play (that she wouldn't be caught dead in) and the freaking bouncing chair (this one actually saved our life) we were packed to the gills.

It all started on Thursday when she actually never stopped crying for more than 30 minutes. Me thinking this was a blessing in diguise...she would actually sleep the night while we were staying in the hotel...NOT! She howled and shrilled throughout the wee hours of the morning only to slumber once day break came. If there was anyone staying next to us, I would have felt the urge to pay for their room (just an urge, I'm too cheap to actually bite the bullet).

Well, all was not lost. The weather at Sea Otter was hot (of course I only packed flanel outfit so she sweated her ass off...bad mom). I unloaded her out of the car and got her settled in the Bijorne just to have her drop a big load. Good times. Unpack her, change the pants, and load her back up. What a trip?!? The good thing is that we snapped a quick picture to prove that we were there...got in the car and headed home. Mommy slept in the back seat so as to save herself from having a nervous breakdown. Ahhh, family trips. Maybe we'll try again in say...10 years.

The Devil does sleep.

I can't hardly believe my eyes when I got up yesterday morning and the clock said 7:10!?! I thought "did she die" or "did someone take her". In my slight panic, I stumbled to her bedroom and there she slept. She stunk like day old poop but my that was the most magical 5 hours a girl could ask for.

Yes, I love her...don't get me wrong but seeing those beady little Satan eyes look up at you so contently at 2:45 in the morning (almost mocking me) makes me pray to whatever God will just make the eyelids shut. SHUT, EYES, SHUT FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! But there I sit and rock willing those eyes to close...and just then, they did. God bless eyelids! Now I love her even more and I walk into her room with a whole new respect for babies...and the Gods.

I never thought this day would come....and of course, I think it's a fluke so I'm sure I won't be basking in the glory of another "full" nights sleep for many days...but just then...she slept AGAIN another night. Oh how I hate seeing the clock tick through the hours I once spent bellied up to a bar...1:30 am....2:45 am...3:50 am...you get the point. Again, I'm not getting my hopes up but happy to avoid the loony bin today. As for tomorrow, no promises.

PS...I would have posted a picture but there's no chance I was going to wake her up.

Ain't she cute?

Well, not at 3:00 in the morning and again at 4:00 am. But she does win me back over in the morning. She's bright eyed and bushy tail (oh for about 15 minutes then we have massive meltdown again). I have a confession to make...last night (or this morning..too hard to tell the difference), I woke up to feed her at about 2:45 am. About 3:15 I found myself asleep in the chair, holding Addison....still boob in mouth. HA!! I flashed back to some of the drunken nights with my husband. Inappropriate? Yes, I'm sure it is. But it was pretty damn funny. We were both out cold...that was of course, before I put her back to bed. All hell broke loose then.

All jokes aside, we are looking to order up a sleep counselor for her. She's got her days and nights totally mixed up and we just want to check in with an expert to make sure we are not messing up too badly.

By the way...Happy Birthday, Auntie Trisha! Can't wait til you have the joy of meeting the bipolar child of mine. XOXO

Happy Easter!

Addison's first Easter! We had dinner over at Chris Moeller's house complete with the lamb cake (just to clarify, it's actually yummy cake in the shape of a lamb...not the animal grilled up like I thought upon my first Moeller Easter). Addison donned a cute little lacy dress given to us by Bushia (Jon's Polish Grandma from Indiana). She loved it and looked so darn cute.

Everyone got a chance to hold and cuddle with the cutie...hence, everyone got the joy of sporting a little bit of barf on their right shoulders.

First Time's a Charm

April 11, 2009

Since we have family and friends all over the world we thought we'd start a blog to post the hilarious stories and everyday life of new parents. I'm sure you are all waiting on pins and needles to hear how our life is going (well, maybe not exactly holding your breathe) but more like vaguely interested. Anyways...a way we go.

I'm not sure why they don't warn people about all of the trials and tribulations of first time parents but I'm hear to say a few things.

1. You will get puked on more than you could imagine. That's not the bad part. The bad part is that you don't think it's that disgusting. I could just wipe it off with a paper towel and think it's totally stink free and sterilized.

2. Breast feeding...well, if people told you about this, no woman would go down this road.

3. Baby poop...it's yellow. Really yellow. I thought this was pretty surprising and worth mentioning.

4. Personal hygiene...say goodbye to that once the baby arrives. Showers? Yeah right. Make-up? What are you kidding? Whip after you finally get to go to the bathroom? If you are lucky. You get the point.

With all of this, we couldn't be happier (well, maybe more sleep) with our new addition. Addison Lynn Moeller was born on March 15th, 2009 at 7 pounds 8 ounces. She is packing on weight like a freshmen at college.